Nowhere to Run – The Ridiculous Life of A Semi-Professional Football Club Chairman is a humorous and poignant tale of life in the hot seat of an amateur football club. Written by Jonathan Sayer, an award-winning playwright and comedy scriptwriter, the book delves into the challenges faced by Jonathan Sayer as he takes on the role of chairman of Ashton United Football Club in Greater Manchester, England. Despite his lack of competitive football experience, having only played in an under-13 match as a substitute before being replaced after scoring three own goals in five minutes, Sayer navigates the ups and downs of managing the club alongside his father.
The story unfolds with Sayer grappling with a string of winless games, facing rebellion from elderly supporters, ongoing battles with the local council, and the arrival of a star striker with a questionable medical report. As tensions rise on the pitch, Sayer’s relationship with his father deteriorates, leading him to make increasingly bold decisions, such as depleting his savings to cover escalating wage bills and considering exorcising a curse with a local priest during a Boxing Day match.
Amidst despair, Sayer finds solace in a moment of contemplation inside a cold storage unit, only to be discovered by a mysterious figure offering him relief through sports cream and knee supports. The heartwarming and comical narrative of Nowhere to Run captures the unglamorous yet joyous side of grassroots football, drawing praise from renowned comedians like Peter Kay and Matt Lucas for its wit, warmth, and entertainment value.
The book is divided into three parts, each delving into different aspects of Sayer’s tenure as chairman, from pre-match preparations and boardroom tensions to the rollercoaster of emotions experienced during matches. With a mix of memorable characters and engaging storytelling, Nowhere to Run is a must-read for football enthusiasts and comedy lovers alike.